My name is Isaac Oluwapamilerin Daniella. Everybody calls me Pamilerin except my Dad, who only calls me Daniella.
I can classify myself as a good girl because I was raised well by my Parents. I’m not an introvert and I’m not an extrovert either. Let me just say I’m in between.
Tunde and I are level mate, same department. We’ve been very good friends since 100 level. He’s the best student in class with the highest CGPA followed by me, making us the best two student in class. By the time we got to 200l I realized he had feelings for me.
Truth be told I have feelings for him too. The eye contact we exchange in class, especially during practicals when we are grouped together and all that but we shy away from it.
What attracted me to him was the fact that he was brilliant, tall and handsome. I love brilliant guys. And all my male friends back home are brilliant as well.
One fateful day, he told me after class that he’d like to discuss something with me. I was scared because I know what he wanted to say.
He held my hands. “Pamilerin, I like you, I know we are friends and all but I want us to take this friendship to another love”
“Another level! I don’t get you” I pretended as if I don’t understand what he was saying.
“I know you know what I mean, but if you want me to say it out loud I will”
“So say it out loud”
“I want you to be my girl, I really like you”
“I like you too but I don’t like the idea of dating my class mate. We see each other every day” I explained.
“That shouldn’t be a barrier, or what do you think”
“I’ll think about it”
“Please do, I hope I’ll get a positive reply?”
I just smiled at him. Tunde finally let it out, and profess his love for me.
“See you tomorrow Tunde” I said and walked away.
I came back from school and I met commotion at my lodge.
“What’s going on here” I asked one of my lodge mate.
“Its Bolu’s parent o they came to pack her things”
“Why is that?”
“You won’t believe it, she has been rusticated since 100l and she never told her parent about it”
“That’s not possible, she do go for classes, in fact I’ve met her in lecture theaters severally and if during exams we go for night classes together”
“She’s just acting o, she no more a student of this school”
“Pamilerin, so you don’t know all this while, I have known since” Another girl in my lodge joined the conversation.
“Really, I never noticed, because most times we even go to school together in the morning”
“Her parents thought she was in final year o, and she’s been collecting school fees from them o.
“Na only school fees pain you, she even collected #200,000 for project.
“Jesus! This is so unfair to her parents nau”
“Thank God for the good Samaritan that revealed the truth to them”
“She even denied it, not until her parent went to her so called department and discovered the whole truth”
“This is so sad, She made a big mistake, she should have open up to them or better still use all the money she’s been collecting to get a Jamb form and try again.
“She wrote Jamb twice after she was rusticated, but she was denied admission”
“It’s not compulsory she stays in this school, she should have opt for another university”
“If she change university the truth go come out na, you know the thing weh pain me pass?”
“What is it?” I asked
“She’s the only child o, and she’s making her parent suffer and waste money like this”
“Eh ya, but its not to late, she can still start all over again, I believe she has learnt her lessons”
“If na my papa o, no school for you again o. He don finish for you be that”
“That won’t help her, I believe she can still start all over again, everyone deserves a second chance” I said
Bolu’s parents were through packing her things with the help of some guys. They all entered into the car. Bolu was sitting at the back seat. I walked up to her and held her hand. While her Dad was still doing one or two things in the car. I seize the opportunity to have a word with her.
“Bolu you don’t have to cry, tears won’t repair all the damage. Just make sure you don’t give up on your self”
“Thank you Pamilerin” she sniffed.
“You can start afresh, you can be whatever you want to be. All you need is determination”
“Thank you my daughter” her mummy said to me.
“Its nothing ma, please ma, don’t give up on her. I know how you feel right now, but its not the end of the road for her”
“Thank you dear” she said
“Thank you, thanks for the advice, I’ll try my best” Bolu Dad said
“You are welcome sir, I pray you and mummy will reap the fruit of your labor”
“Amen” they chorused.
I faced Bolu, it’s not a crime to fall, but the most important is too rise again. May God be with you”
“Amen” she nodded, crying out loud.
“I will give you a call” I said
“Safe journey” I said and waved at them as the car took off.
I went straight to my room and crashed on my bed, I was tired and famished at the same time.
I thought about Bolus case again, I really felt sorry for her parent.
Weeks later, Tunde and I started dating. Trust people, they noticed in no time. We are already tagged couples. Some girls in class who has eyes on him gave me attitudes but I understand.
I know they secretly envied me because I was dating the most intelligent guy not only in the department but even in the faculty.
I know how they flock around him all in the name of tutorials, but he never gave them attention.
With time they realized we are for real and gave up.
Even the guys discovered that they can only get him to tutor them through me, so they have no choice than to be on my good books.
With time the girls started relating well with me and everything was back to normal again.
Tunde and I became so close and inseparable, we spent most of our free time together.
Some months later, he came to my room in the evening to check on me. We chatted for a while and all of a sudden we started this stupid rough play. He kissed me, caressed me. I wanted to stop him but I couldn’t.
I realized things are getting more heated between us, so I gathered all the strength in me and stop him.
I moved away from him.
“Tunde please stop, you are trespassing”
“Tunde what do you want from me?”
“I want you”
“I’m a virgin, I don’t want to loose it, not now”
“You want to keep it for your man, right?”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I’m not just dating you for the fun of it, I’m in this for real. I want to marry you”
“You can’t be so sure, we still have a long journey ahead of us”
“I will never disappoint you, I will never hurt you, I promise”
I eventually gave in, he undressed me, I was shy at first, I’ve never been unclad in the presence of a guy before, I grabbed my cover cloth to cover myself. He pulled the cover cloth gently from my body.
“You don’t have to be shy, look at me, I’m unclad too”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, I was even scared of seeing him unclothed.
My church mind was saying otherwise, but I gave in after so much persuasion. I lost my virginity that very night.
Before now I promised myself not to loose my virginity until I’m married, but I broke my promise and gave myself to him.
That night he slept in my room for the first time. And ever since that night we started having sex on a regular basis.
Exam came, we read and studied together( exam didn’t stop us from having sex)But we don’t sit together in the exam hall. We sit separately. We do submit our answer booklets almost at the same time. So we leave the exam hall together.
Our result came out the next semester and he was still leading the class with the highest CGPA followed by me. I was happy our relationship did not get in the way of our academics.
By the time we got to 300l, Tunde and I practically lived together in his self contained apartment in school. It’s not that I don’t have my own room, I do but he wanted me to be a live in girlfriend.
I don’t like the cohabitation idea in the first place but I eventually agreed to it. I only go to my place once in a while to clean up and do one or two things. I only sleep in my room when my relative came visiting especially my mum.
Our love waxed stronger, we do things together and things were going on smoothly between us. Then the worst happened.
“Tunde I’m two weeks late, I’m scared” I informed him.
“Pamilerin you can’t be pregnant, we always use protection except for few times that we got carried away”
“Those few times are enough to get me pregnant”
“I think you should get tested first before jumping into conclusion” he said
“I will get a pregnancy test strip from the pharmacy on my way back from school” I said as I dress up preparing for lectures.
Later in the day, we both came back from school, and I prepared dinner and dished it into a breakable plate. We do eat together.
“Babe you are not eating, you are just staring at the food” he said looking directly into my eyes.
“How will I eat, I’ve bought the pregnancy test strip and I don’t know what the result will say. I’m seriously scared”
“Just calm down, let’s see the result first”
“Tunde what if I’m pregnant?”
“When will you have the test?” he asked
“First thing tomorrow morning”
“Just calm down”
“You are just saying I should calm down, you are a man it won’t affect you”
“You think it won’t affect me? Let’s just wait till tomorrow, now eat your food”
“I’ve lost myappetite” I stood up and sat on the bed.
“You know starving yourself won’t solve the problem. I’ll cover the food, you can eat when you regain your appetite”
I lay on the bed to sleep but I couldn’t sleep all through the night. I thought of my life and my future. I came from a godly home where my parents did their best in raising godly children. But see what love made me do.
I know it everyday that what I’m doing was wrong, it’s against my belief. I never intended to have sex in my relationship not to talk of been a live in girlfriend.
I did all this for the sake of love, the pressure was much from Tunde that I had to succumb. Fine staying together makes us bond well but I wonder what we stand to gain aside from the bonding and regular sex but see where it landed me.
I’m pregnant I’m very sure of that, I’ve never been this late since I started menstruating, worst is between two or three days, then I’ll see my period” I thought.
While I was still thinking about the mess I got myself into, I felt his hand on my body because I was backing him so I didn’t see him, he was trying to get me aroused.
“Tunde take your hands off me this minute” I said angrily.
“Babe I’m just trying to help ease your worries”
“By having sex with me? I doubt if you are bothered a bit”
“Off course I am, I just want to….
“Do you even love me, because if you do you won’t be thinking about sex right now”
“I cant believe you just said that, you know I love you”
“Which I’m beginning to doubt, just let me be, pleaseeee”
“I’m very sorry my love, I thought it will help. Stop giving yourself headache we are not even sure yet”
“I get it, it’s my body not yours and I know if something it’s not right”
I took one of the pillows, stood up from the bed and lie on the rug.
“Please come back to bed Pamilerin, I won’t touch you” he pleaded.
I pretended as if I did not hear him. I just lay there on the rug thinking about what the test result will be.
I woke up the next morning, I took the PT strip into the bathroom, I sat on the toilet sit and pee on the stick. I waited for some minutes and to proof my suspicion, I saw two red lines, meaning I’m pregnant. I screamed.
Tunde rushed into the bathroom and held me. He took the stick from me, he saw two red lines which I’m sure he doesn’t understand the meaning.
He took the PT strip pack from the top of the sink where I put it. He read the instructions and he realized what was going on.
“So two red lines means positive “ he said and sighed heavily. He was sweating profusely.
He took me into his arms to console me but I cried the more.
“Tunde I’m finish, my father will disown me that’s if he didn’t kill me first” I said in tears.
“Pamilerin take it easy we’ll figure it out”
“You can’t understand, have brought shame upon myself and family. My mum is a deaconess while my dad is an elder in church. I’m the first child what example will I set for my siblings” I wept uncontrollably.
“I understand, we are both not ready for this, just put yourself together”
“You are a guy, I’m going to be the object of ridicule not you” I said amidst tears. He wipe my tears with his hands.
“Babe, take your bath and let’s prepare for school its almost 7am and we both have 8 o’clock lecture”
“Go ahead and take your bath, let me stay at home and mourn my woes”
“Let’s stay at home together then, I can’t leave you all alone, not like this”
“Don’t miss lectures because of me, don’t worry I won’t commit suicide. I know better than that, suicide is a direct flight to hell”
“I’m not leaving, we’ll stay here together”
We were like that for hours, we did not bath or eat. We were both engrossed in our thoughts. He sent a text message to the class rep that we wont be coming to class that very day. One thing is sure the whole class we noticed our absence.
Despite the text we still got so many calls. He picked some, I didn’t pick any, it got to a stage I had to put off my phone.
Both of us are just in the room we didn’t say a word to each other.
I thought of so many things, should I run away? But where will I go? I thought.
“Pamilerin! He broke the silence.
“What do you want us to do about the pregnancy?”
“I wish I’m dreaming, I want to wake up and realize all this is a dream”
“This is real”
“What do you want us to do about it” I asked him the same question he asked me.
“We have just two options here, it’s either we keep it or will abort it.
“Let me think and weigh my options” I said.
“I think we have to decide fast”
“I’m keeping it”
“Pamilerin as much as I’m happy that you are carrying my child, and that I can father a child, you know we are not ready for this, we can’t take care of this child”
“What are you insinuating?
“Abortion, that’s the only option we’ve got”
“Abortion! Murdering an innocent child!” I sighed heavily
“Pamilerin, I’m ashamed of myself, this is my seed we are talking about here, I want to see my flesh and blood too but can’t bring a child into this world when I’m not ready”
“What if something goes wrong in the process”
“Whatever happens, I will stand by you, I will never leave you. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I promise you”
“Tunde, I hope the tune of the song won’t change tomorrow. Hope it’s not just an empty promise?”
“Do you want me to swear or something”
“No! You don’t have to” I said although deep down inside of me I wish I could make him swear an oath, but I know its not right.
I sighed heavily and picked my phone and dialed my cousin’s number. Joy is a close and trusted cousin, we always have each other’s back. She once had an abortion and she confided in me then.
“Joy I’m pregnant” I said immediately she picked the call.
“Preg what? Pamilerin why? You should have been more careful, I told you my experience and it was not a good one” Joy lamented.
I noticed she was already close to tears from the sound of her voice.
“God! I wish this never happened to you” she said sniffing.
“Don’t cry because of me, I brought this upon myself”
“Let’s leave this baby, Daddy can’t kill you, I know he will be mad at you but I promise to stand by you” she advised.
“I don’t want it”
“This is one big guilt you’ll live with for the rest of your life, do you want that?”
“Joy, that’s the only option I have”
“Your boyfriend?” she asked
“We are on the same page”
“OK, I took pills then” she said and gave me the name of the pills.
“Thanks, I’m grateful”
“Please take care and please update me”
“I will, thanks” I said and ended the call.
“What did she say” Tunde ask after I disconnected.
“She said she used pills but I’m sorry if I’m going to be having an abortion that is not an option for me”
“Why! She used it and it worked”
“Tunde, I’m not using pills, what if it has side effects. Take me to a hospital, I will pay for it if you can’t. This is my life we are talking about here” I shouted.
“I’m not saying I’m not paying but…..
“I’m going to a hospital tomorrow” I said cutting him off.
“Do you have any hospital in mind?”
“No I don’t, God will direct me”
Did I just say God! I couldn’t believe I mentioned God, if I had obey his instruction not to fornicate, I wouldn’t have found myself in this situation.
“OK, anything you decide” he said
He stood up and went into the bathroom to take his bathes, he went into the kitchen afterwards to prepare food for us. He encouraged me to take my bath too and I obeyed.
That night sleep eluded me, what if I die, what if I did not make it. I thought of so many things, I was lying there waiting for morning to come.
…to be continued in the next episode